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Well, That Was a Fair Trial...
Apr 14, 201510:39PM

Category: Writing

http://amazingstoriesmag.com/2015/04/ill-casting-final-hugo-vote/

 

And here was our exchange: 

 

Mike Williamson  Apr 2 (12 days ago)

to Info
I intended no "Disrespect for the institution" by my accidental early announcement, which I deleted once I was aware of the matter.

I did not receive the full email, and was not aware of the tradition of waiting for public announcement, which I support.

I apologized to the committee, who assured me it wasn't a problem.

Had you, or any other offended party, informed at once, I'd have removed it at once. As it was, I heard from a friend about 24 hours later.

Your actions are a textbook example of the problem. Rather than communicate, you'd rather rage in public. You did nothing to address the matter, but only used it for clickbait.

The SP slate included quite a few liberal authors, had you bothered to actually look at the proposed authors, rather than scream and leap.

I, for one, am nowhere near "conservative," and disdain the association.

It is unfortunate that rational discourse has become impossible with certain elements of fandom.

As to TNH's ridiculous and egotistical assertion that only certain fans are really fen:

http://www.michaelzwilliamson.com/blog/item/who-s-a-real-fan

I would hope for more mature behavior from people with such credentials.

Thanks

Mike



Steve Davidson - Amazing Stories
Apr 2 (12 days ago)

to me
Mike,

I mentioned the circumstance, I did not name any names.

I have looked at the slate. My argument clearly states that it has nothing to do with the individuals involved or the works in question. It addresses the methodology.

I do not believe that the Hugo Awards are a proper venue for political action.

I'm sorry you got caught in the cross fire. I do however believe that you should have checked before announcing.

I made a distinction between fans and "politicized fans", nowhere did I suggest that the people involved are not fans.

Nowhere did I mention Teresa Nielsen Hayden.


steve



Mike Williamson <mzmadmike@gmail.com>
Apr 2 (12 days ago)

to Steve
If you see "politicized fans," it says more about you than about others.

And what "Checking" was I supposed to do? My point stands--bunches of people, including you and TNH, apparently started twitstorm about how I was ruining things. None of you took the time to send a polite reminder, which I would have heeded. It was 24 hours later when a friend more familiar, having been nominated before, made mention to me.

[EDIT:  NOTE: I BELIEVE THE OTHER EARLY ANNOUNCER WAS A NON-SP WRITER WITH TOR. SOMEHOW, THAT WRITER GETS BOTH A PASS, AND THEIR WRONG ASSIGNED TO SP.  THIS IS WHAT PASSES AS JOURNALISM IN THIS DEBATE.]

You speak in similar tones, I assume you are similar in outlook.

I don't believe anyone is trying to ruin, usurp, or otherwise damage the Hugos.

Again, that, to me, says more about you than others.

I would actually have preferred one of my other works of the year, which I feel was a story with serious merit. But then, it is a popularity award, and always has been. The Nebulae are the professional award. This is a fan award.


Steve Davidson - Amazing Stories
Apr 3 (11 days ago)

to me
Mike,

and its obvious to me that you read things through heavily tinted glasses.

Who should you have asked? How about the awards committee?

I think its pointless for us to trade emails.

steve



Mike Williamson
Apr 3 (11 days ago)

to Steve
To ask them, I'd have had to know to ask them. I assumed such info would be in the email--and it was, just buried.

But, you likewise could have asked me, as a courtesy, rather than assuming my intent was to "denigrate" the awards.

There's your tinted glasses.

It is indeed pointless. You have labeled me a villain without knowing me, and are uninterested in polite discussion.

In any case, the awards committee, whose opinion matters, assures me it's not a problem.

The George Is The Dragon
Apr 11, 201504:24PM

Category: Writing

George R.R. Martin (grrm) replied to a comment you left in a LiveJournal

post (http://grrm.livejournal.com/417812.html). The comment they replied to
was:

> GRRM said, “If the Sad Puppies wanted to start their own award… for Best
> Conservative SF, or Best Space Opera, or Best Military SF, or Best
> Old-Fashioned SF the Way It Used to Be… whatever it is they are actually
> looking for
[emphasis mine]… hey, I don’t think anyone would have any objections to that.
> I certainly wouldn’t. More power to them.”

> Joshua, on April 9, 2015 at 9:24 pm said: If gays want to have their own
> pizzas places that cater their weddings, hey, I don’t think anyone would
> have any objections to that. I certainly wouldn’t. More power to them.

Their reply was:

 Subject: Re: That sounds familiar...

  Oh, nonsense.

 ~~~

Okay, so you're one of the richest, highest paid writers in the world, but you couldn't be bothered to click on a link to find out what one side of the debate was before putting fingers to keys?  Professional much?

Seriously, 7th graders fail papers for doing that.

https://bradrtorgersen.wordpress.com/2015/01/07/announcing-sad-puppies-3/

As I've said before, and to you, the recent decade of Hugo winners show a spectrum of Writers of Palor, mostly left leaning, largely from a couple of publishing houses.  Again, this is not evidence of collusion, but it is evidence of incestuousness.

We're writers and fans who want more diversity in the Hugo. Writers of color. Immigrants.  Citizens of other nations.  Politics across the spectrum.  You can talk about it all you want, but when you use the epithet, "Many of them conservative," you attempt to condemn by association everyone in this fight who isn't.

You don't know what we want or why we're upset?  Here's a headline for you: RICH WHITE MILLIONAIRE AUTHOR WITH 9 NOMS AND 6 WINS SAYS "LET THEM EAT CAKE!"

And yes, Joshua's comparison IS correct.  "Sure, these people are part of our society, but they're not the part of society we want to deal with, so they should just go away.  They can have something separate, but equal, but it won't really be equal."

BTW, the Prometheus Award, that you're not sure where it's awarded, is often awarded at Worldcon, often in a bar or restaurant, because "Real" SF won't acknowledge it.  This year it's at Marcon.  But hey, you're sure it's a worthy award. You just couldn't be bothered to look it up.

We write SF and related works, we do SF art. That makes us part of SF fandom, and part of the culture.  We are not the "Wrong" type of fans, and anyone who thinks so is the wrong type of fan.

How's that Iron Throne padded with $100 bills feel, George?  I bet it's comfy.

Oh, yeah--you also like that people have to shell out at least a couple of Jacksons to vote, to keep the award "Special."  So special that most of the world can't afford to participate.

But we're the hateful conservatives.  Got it.

The Graying of the Hugo
Apr 11, 201501:12AM

Category: Writing

Several years back, when I was still a SFWA member, there was a huge panic over the "Threat" of electronic publishing.

Think about that. In an organization of writers of speculative fiction, there were a large number of people who wanted to shovel back the tide.  The smart ones got into it on the ground floor and are making money. Some of them fought it for years and didn't.

The second part of the discussion was a writer complaining about "pixel-stained, technopeasant wretches" giving work away for free online, thus watering down the paying market for "real" writers.

I had a very polite discussion with Piers Anthony, who expressed the opinion that while online presence was probably marketable, he didn't see how it could compare to a "well-run ad campaign."

Of course, an ad campaign costs money for either publisher or author, and if the publisher, it cuts into their margin for other matters, including paying the writers, which is why it's generally reserved for well-known, big-selling authors.

At the time, I'd written five books in two years, but was still largely unknown.  I pointed out that one of my free satirical pieces had been Farked, and gotten a half million hits in under 24 hours.  There's no way I could have bought publicity like that.  It was off the cuff snark that took me perhaps two hours, for which I might have eventually been paid $200.  Which would you rather have, $200 now, or half a million prospective readers for the future?

Piers was absolutely correct, but he was also speaking from a zone of comfort in an established position.

I attended SFWA functions at Torcon, where I tended bar, Loscon, and then Philcon.  The staff of SFWA knew who I was.  They greeted me on sight by first name. When I pulled out cover sheets of my next book ("The Hero"), one of the officers said, "Oh, a collaboration. Who's John Ringo?"

At that point, John had about ten more books than I did, including three NYT bestsellers with David Weber.

But the in-crowd hadn't heard of him.

And thus it often still is.  The in-crowd goes to the meetings, to the literary conventions, the writer that goes with them gets known, and then gets mentioned by friends, blogged about, and eventually, gifted with suggestions of awards.

Think about winners the last few years.  Are they good?  Generally. Popular? Within a small subsect always.  Not always among SF fans overall.  Can you think of any winners, where you'd think, "This other book that came out that year was better. Why didn't it win?"

George RR Martin laments the "marketing" that has come to the Hugos, that the Old Way is no longer respected. 

That's because an NYT bestseller with 13 books out was unknown to the people who promote the award.

And this is not their fault. When Piers and George started selling, there was no internet, and bookstores, quite common, if they sold SF, had a section with most of the current releases and staff who knew what they were.

It is no longer that time.  There are works that were promoted for the ballot this year that are good works, two of them from friends, and I never knew these works existed.  There's just no way to track the huge disbursement of SF.  We won.  Nerds won the culture war. We're everywhere.

We're so everywhere we don't even know who each other is anymore.

It used to be that the World Science Fiction Convention was THE place in the industry, and everyone knew everyone through no more than two connections.

Now, though, the comic cons, GenCon and DragonCon get more writers, and more readers, than Worldcon.

The only reason the internet wasn't used as a huge pimping and platform tool until now is because so many of the younger fen had no idea what the Hugo was, or how it was decided.

Once they discovered it, these young kids, in our thirties and forties (!) realized the only way to get seen was to make use of technology.

Piers laments free content (or did. That was some years ago).  George laments internet marketing. But both are here to stay, and I doubt most younger fen have any objection at all.

There are rumblings, proposals, and I fully expect that next year, there will be a dozen slates on major blogs promoting works for the Hugos.

So how is that bad?  Works you've not heard of will be mentioned, where you can easily see them. This translates as more sales for the authors. (My piece, http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00QZV08SW?ie=UTF8&tag=wwwmichaelzwi-20&linkCode=as2&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B00QZV08SW, when promoted, shot back into the Amazon top ten for Political Humor.  It had been #1.  Most of you have never heard of it until now, of course.)  It translates into more visibility for the award, more participation, more works proposed, more slated.

This is not the end of the Hugos. It is the rebirth.

Let us not rally the old guard to protect it from the future.  Let us celebrate it.

So is Worldcon.

My daughter's first event was at 10 days old.  She's 17, has been to 17 Pennsics, 15 Windycons, 17 Marcons, dozens of Capricons, Libertycons, numerous other cons as one-offs. She runs my booth when I'm on panels.  She runs my booth at Comic and Anime cons, because she speaks that language.  She reads Molly Harper, Tamora Pierce, TA Barron, Piers Anthony, occasional Niven, Heinlein, Burroughs, lots of manga, some comics, she games a bit, cosplays. 

She has probably been to more events and conventions than you.

Today, she asked me, "So how do you get a Hugo?"

I explained that last year's Worldcon members, and this year's, can nominate, and this year's can vote and then nominate for next year, either supporting or attending.

She replied, "That's it?  From a small convention like that?" (She just finished running my booth at Indy Comic Con, with 30,000 attendees.)

Raised in fandom, child of an author who's been published since she was five, a dealer and attendee since before she was born, she:

A) Didn't really know what the Hugos are, and

2: Finds Worldcon to be small, unimpressive and not of note.

I guess she's the wrong kind of fan, too.

Don't worry. In twenty years, all 50 Worldcon attendees can vote each other a Hugo and be impressed with each other.

What Does Diversity Look Like?
Apr 09, 201511:21AM

Category: Writing

EDIT:  Didn't get much response because most writers don't actually care what an author looks like. And, I've been busy with writing contracts.  This post is probably no longer of use, but I'll leave it for reference. Possibly after the awards I'll see about adding some stuff.

According to certain...well, all critics, the "Sad Puppies" slate of works are by authors who are all white, conservative males, and probably racist.  It's AN END TO DIVERSITY in the Hugos!

So, I thought, for reference, we should look at what diversity looked like in 2012:

And 2013:

 

Now, there are some decent people there, and some are my friends.

But apart from not discriminating against those with terrible fashion sense, I'm not seeing much ethnic diversity, and if you research the people in question, you'll find little political diversity.

Now, I "look" white, and am, except I'm an immigrant, thus an outsider to America, and have been discriminated against (and if you don't believe immigrants get discriminated against...I don't think any rational discourse between us is possible), and of course, there are various "white" ancestries. Mine includes recent Irish, which wasn't well regarded even a generation back, and Welsh, and "Scotch" as it was called, when my English mother dare marry beneath herself.

As far as politics, which are none of your business, but here goes:  I endorsed allowing gays to serve in the military when I was active duty back in the 1980s, before DADT was even a thing.  I'm areligious.  I think marriage should be a private matter without government definition of participants.  I don't "carefully manage" my blog posts because I support free speech.  I'm not sure where one commenter got "ultraconservative" from that.

I encourage the other nominees this year, whether SP endorsed or not, to post their images and backgrounds in comments, and I'll transfer them into this thread for comparison to the "diverse" Hugos of 2012 and 2013.

Cedar Sanderson, finalist for Best Fan Writer:

Cedar considers herself apolitical. She was a military brat, homeschooled, and is currently a non-traditional student who supports herself largely with her writing while taking a full course load.

Allegations of Ballot Jacking
Apr 08, 201512:15AM

Category: Writing

Apparently, certain "Tolerant" "liberal" elements with a record of winning the Hugo are claiming some conspiracy exists to stuff nominations, compare notes, secretly manipulate a ballot and feed the information to the Illuminati or Aliens or something.

Sounds like they think "we" did what they did.


From my POV, Brad asked if he could promote me, I said, "Sure," remembered I had another story, mentioned it here, forgot all about it because I had no expectation of making it. Then I got an email.

As far as Vox Day endorsing me, I know he copies some of my gun related essays. I find him to be a troll and scientifically illiterate, blogged about that a few years back, and ignore him. No point in arguing when we aren't ever going to agree.

I'm glad he liked Wisdom, and appreciate the boost, but the first I was aware of it was after I got notified and someone else mentioned he'd endorsed me.

But hell, you can find my stuff on sites across the spectrum, some loathing, some loving. 

I'm not narcissistic enough to cruise the web looking for mentions of my name. Nor would it matter if I did--what can I do to stop it? And why should I?

I swear, these people with 20, 30, 50 nominations seem to be getting awfully butthurt over some of us getting one.  I wonder what that says?

And I have no idea how 60 some people would keep something like this secret.  Could be why I wasn't invited.

Or, maybe it doesn't exist.

Bringing the World to Worldcon
Apr 06, 201510:34PM

Category: Writing

There's been much debate about revising the rules for the Hugo Award, but there's one aspect that everyone has either missed or been afraid to touch.

Some history:

The then grandiosely named World Science Fiction Convention started in 1939, with about 200 people.  It wasn't held during WWII, and it stuck to larger, American cities--New York, Chicago, Philly.

The first one outside the US was Torcon in 1948.

The first one outside North America, was Loncon in 1957, thus finally making a valid claim of "World" after 18 years.

In 1970, Germany hosted, bringing Europe into the SF "World."

Australia came on board in 1975, actually bringing in another hemisphere.

It wasn't until 2007 that Asia merited note, with Yokohama.

Now, an astute observer will notice that all those countries are progressive, wealthy, nations of privilege, mostly Western, and certainly all in the upper echelons of economic success.

Supporting memberships at this point are $40 US.

There are people in the US for whom $40 is a stiff part of a budget.  Beyond that, I just heard from two of my fans in India and Bangladesh. My Bangledeshi friend works for their DoT as a senior engineer, and earns a princely $150 a week.  He's managed projects where the repair cost for the road was estimated at a half million, and been told, "You have $5000." (Adjusted to US currency.)

I send Najmul e-copies of my books for free, because not only can he not find them, he couldn't possibly afford them.  He's currently doing some training in Australia, and glad to be there, since he has much less worry about roving gangs, or if a neighboring country will build another dam and cut off his water supply.

He bought a supporting membership at $50 AUS, being most of a week's disposable income for him--and remember, he's one of the better paid people in that country--and since he's a fan of several others, we've all sent him a large package of SF to read, electronically.  I informed Brad Torgersen, and quite a few of the other writers he has promoted are doing likewise. I will also forward any ebooks from other known authors to him.

But, a "World" con should be more accessible to the world.  SF fans in developing or struggling nations should not have to balance a supporting membership, to an event they can never afford to attend in person, with daily necessities.

If you look at the membership lists for any Worldcon, you will find almost no participation from Africa, East or South Asia other than Japan and Korea, or much of South America.

I propose a supporting membership should be $5. It's arrogant and elitist to proclaim to be a world event, then to price three fourths of the world out of it.

This will need to be brought up at the WSFS business meeting and voted on.  On the one hand, it will mean less money per supporting member. On the other hand, it will mean more members, more inclusivity, and a better reach of SF to the world as a whole.

It's time to put the World into Worldcon.

The problem with the the Hugo Awards isn't fandom, which is the set of all people who are fans of SF. The problem is the subset of people obsessed over the convention itself, in other words, condom.

Presenting Hugo Finalist: Me!
Apr 04, 201508:55PM

Category: Writing

So, it appears I am a finalist for the Hugo Award for "Best Related Work."

First of all, I must apologize for inadvertently releasing the info early a couple of weeks back.  I only got part of the email notification, and as I have no experience receiving Hugos, only voting on them, I wasn't aware of the perfectly logical rule of there being one public announcement.  Once I realized so, I pulled the blog and forum post.

So I'm making them now.

Apparently, several Tweeters noticed, and rather than inform me of the faux pas, they preferred to just call me names behind my back. Thanks, Jackwagons.

I need to thank Brad Torgersen for asking if I'd accept publicity for a nomination, and of course I said yes. Any positive publicity is good for writers and I'll come back to that in a moment.

I had actually expected he'd reference my short story, "Soft Casualty," which I think has merit as both dark SF, military psychology, and possibly horror.  You can read it for free here: http://www.baen.com/SoftCasualty.asp

"Wisdom From My Internet" kept people entertained, but it's a collection of snark and one-liners, some of it SF, some of it nerd, some of it geek and some of it mundane. I get fan and hate mail across the spectrum for it. Apparently, I'm an unrepentant right-winger, gay apologist, anti-Christian, anti-Muslim, pro-Muslim, religious apologist and "typical liberal."  So much love, so much hate. Thank you all.

But real thanks to the people who nominated the work, and those who bought it. While not nearly as lucrative as my "pro" sales, it was timely for dealing with some personal matters at home.  I appreciate both the funding, and the recognition of my disturbed sense of humor.  I will arrange to thank you appropriately with a 2X12, a towel and a bucket of water.

Still, if that's what people deem worthy, I will most certainly accept your accolades and votes, and more importantly, your money, right here: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00QZV08SW?ie=UTF8&tag=wwwmichaelzwi-20&linkCode=as2&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B00QZV08SW

I have to confess, I'm surprised by how many people don't get satire.  "Patriarchy Press" is a joke, folks.  Actually, someone on Amazon didn't like the book because of some of my jokes about Christianity. They didn't have a problem with the jokes about Islam, Judaism, Buddhism or Shintoism.  Or straights, gays, bis, liberals, conservatives...it's not as if my snark isn't egalitarian.  Of course, that might be the problem for the narrow-minded.  Just because I thought a gay pirate was called a "Swishbucker," and an oil sheik was a brand of condom...

And, there will be both a trade paperback and a signed, limited edition available shortly.

I must admit, I was a bit hesitant to consider accepting an award that requires both a poll tax and a literacy test for the voters. It seems a little elitist, but that's something we can work on for later--making the Hugos votable by all fans inclusively.

Now, I'd also like to draw attention to the other nominees in this category.  You should make an attempt to examine all the works before voting on one.

Tedd Roberts is a neuroscientist and friend of mine. He's offered quite a bit of medical and bio science background for my stories.  His article, "Why Science Is Never Settled," is an excellent lay presentation on how the scientific process works.

http://www.baen.com/Why_Science_is_Never_Settled.asp

http://www.baen.com/Why_Science_is_Never_Settled-Part2.asp

If you think you’ve already figured out what it’s about from the title, the actual article might surprise you. 

Better still, if I wanted the Hugo from him, he'd never notice it missing amongst all his professional awards. Besides which, he couldn't catch me with that bad knee of his.

Ken Burnside is a physicist and the creator/producer/head Honcho of Ad Astra Games, which he does while being almost totally blind.  He too has provided me with number crunching once or twice.  His essay, "The Hot Equations," is here: http://adastragames.com/products/the-hot-equations

And really, he's almost blind, so I could swap out a 30mm shell for the Hugo and he'd never notice.

Lou Antonelli I have never met, and I have not read "Letters from Gardner," but have met Gardner Dozois, respect his editing, and the book looks to be very informative about the editing and submission process, from someone who's got professional chops of his own as editor of Asimov's.  http://www.amazon.com/Letters-From-Gardner-Writers-Odyssey/dp/0692299424

He's written about rocketships before. 

John C. Wright I know from a dozen emails. He's got a strong grasp of philosophy and character, and an amazing arsenal of rhetoric. His essays can be found here: http://www.scifiwright.com/transhuman-and-subhuman/

He's the real threat here, because he's a gentleman, and I'd feel terrible stealing his award.

So there's the Hugo ballot for Best Related Work. To vote, you must be a Supporting or Attending member of Sasquan, the 73rd World Science Fiction Convention.  You can purchase memberships here: https://sasquan.swoc.us/sasquan/reg.php

Good thing it's in Spokane, not Chicago, or people would be voting early and often, even after dying.

There are some great authors and works in all the categories. Some of them surprise me entirely as either, "I had no idea this awesome writer didn't have a Hugo yet," or "Are they %@#$ing kidding?"  It's certainly a varied and vigorous ballot.  Good luck to all the nominees in their respective categories.

I regret that my schedule won't let me attend. That is my busiest time of year for events, and it's on the far side of the continent.

I find all the other nominees in Best Related Work to be very worthy, and I will feel no regret at losing to any of them.  However, I will certainly appreciate the votes I do get, and will thank those who do in an appropriately snarky fashion.

BTW, does anyone know the exact dimensions and diameter of this year's Hugo?  If I win, it's going to be the largest projectile I've ever had in my vault. 

That's not an euphemism for anything, okay?

Who's A Real Fan?
Mar 31, 201511:39PM

Category: Writing

EDIT:  I keep adding small details to this. Truly, it is a saga that could be told for days.

So apparently, according to Brilliant People on the Internet, I am not a real science fiction fan.

I started reading the RAH Juveniles in 8th grade, when a friend showed them to me. I read Bova, Bradbury, Hugh Walters, Lester del Rey, Donald A. Wollheim, John Christopher, Andre Norton and dozens of others.  Then I hit the book store to stock up on Sir Pterry (Who wasn't known as that then), Asimov, Terry Brooks, Tolkien...

Of course, before that, I watched Star Trek on TV in the UK.  My father tweaked it so we got all four channels in Liverpool, not three.

But I'm not a "real fan."

By high school I had an SF Book Club membership.  I found authors I liked, some I didn't.

I had just finished Basic when I found a bunch of SF at the Exchange--Pournelle (and some of his contemporary stuff), Ing, plenty of other Baen stuff, More Heinlein, Laumer, and the magazines--Asimov's, Analog, F&SF.  I literally have a twenty year stack of magazines in my office.

But I'm not a "real fan."

When we got the word that Bob Heinlein had died, and I never got to meet him, I spent $5 in quarters to call a friend at another base, via payphone, so I could break the sad news to her.  We toasted him the next year.

I also started attending SF conventions in 1988--WindyCon (following an ad in Analog), then immediately ChambanaCon, Capricon, Marcon.  I spent thousands on rooms, travel, parties.  I've missed two WindyCons since--one because I was deployed, the other because I was at a convention in Germany. Until they were 15, my kids had Lifetime Attendee ribbons.

When I checked into the hotel, they asked if I was "Jack Williamson," and I knew who he was and to say no.

At WindyCon, I signed up for the Dinner With The Pros, and I chose...Jim Baen. I wanted to know how publishing worked.

We had jam sessions in the fifth floor lobby, and I watched Fred Pohl walk past, shaking his head as we played something half blues, half Egyptian, in A#m.  Keyboard players can be such assholes to guitarists.

I watched Fred year by year, in person, on panels, as he aged and had to leave us.

I got my roommate and a couple of other troops into the events, and in between, we played D&D, Morrow Project, Aftermath!, everything of Steve Jackson's and Paranoia, in the barracks.  I showed up a year later in my own made chainmail and sword, dirk and boots.

But I'm not a "real fan."

Ah, the parties.  When not skydiving, I was plotting parties. You may have heard of Moderation, because we always drank, in Moderation. Always.  I recall a party where the room was two feet deep in debris afterward.  Beer cases, beverage containers, snack packs, CDs, VCR tapes, unconscious bodies, a dartboard, a size 42 lime green bra.  I am not making this up, there are witnesses.

Oh, one of our co-conspirators is now an internationally famous economics expert.  Others are also hugely known on the convention circuit. But, we're not real fen.

Our reputation exceeded us, with tales of our carnage and indulgence, but it wasn't true. Our parties were always a safe space for everyone.  When some asshole doped someone with LSD at another party, one of our people--a pyschologist--walked them around and talked them down. We had one clown, one time, get grabby. I had Kurt show him The Door. Kurt was a 6'6" boxer turned hypnotherapist, and The Door were Roadkill (biker) and Ogre (that's his legal name).  Any color, any age, any handicap, any orientation, all were welcome, and we never blabbed secrets. Even now, very few people know that Timothy Leary visited our party at Chicon IV.

Our booze bill was $1100, and we ran four days straight, having a grand old time.

I ran the Moderation New Years' BASH for three years.

But the best one was Capricon, the year it was at Pheasant Run Resort:

Jonathan:  Mike, I have conducted initial reconnaissance of the hotel.

Mike:  Go ahead.

Jonathan:  I recommend a six prong attack, and a solid hold on terrain of the 14th floor. (unfolds map)

Mike: I agree with your plan. Proceed.

Jonathan:  Reservations? Yes, we'd like to book for Capricon.

Reservations: What type of room?

Jonathan:  The fourteenth floor.

Reservations:  Will that be a corner suite or a double double?

Jonathan:  The fourteenth floor.

Reservations:  There are sixteen rooms on the fourteenth floor, sir.

Jonathan:  Yes, we'll take them.

Reservations: ...

Come the convention, we had my HQ in one corner, Moderation next to it, the Slime Party, Crystal Blue Persuasion, The Cow Party, the jam room, which had about $50K in instruments and gear by the time we were done, Ogre's Den of Iniquity and two others I can't recall 20 years later.

Oh, we named it the 13th Floor, since there wasn't one, and we stationed lots of party fans on 12, so as not to disturb people who wanted quiet.

Oh, I was also there as a dealer.  I'm not sure about sleep.

We stationed The Door at the elevator, and no one came in without ID.  Clothing became optional.

*BTW, if you've read Niven, Pournelle and Flynn's "Fallen Angels," it references a man sitting at the hot tub wearing a tuxedo top and towel bottom.  That's Jonathan.  We've even wound up in books.  There was a whole small press comic that starred us as well.

But I'm not a "real fan."  

In fact, I was told that back then, too. Those of us in our twenties, partying with artists, cartoonists and ravers until 0700 were not "real fen."

Except, quite of few of my fellow enthusiasts now run some of the major Midwest conventions.  But that's not relevant. We're not real fen.

I've attended literally hundreds of conventions, in three countries so far. West coast, east coast, midwest, south, Canada, Europe (Germany specifically, with book signings in Amsterdam and The Hague).  I've attended Chicon III and IV, MagiCon, LoneStarCon, ConAdian, TorCon, and supported SasQuan and LonCon.  I have voted for Hugo awards, after actually reading the works on the ballot. If I haven't read the slate, I tend not to vote in that category.

I have original art from several well known artists in the house, including some done before they married and changed names.

But according to some people, I'm "not a real fan."

I've been an attendee, panelist, artist, author guest, special guest, guest of honor, filker, gopher, badger, I've run a dealer's room. I've helped in the con suite while a special guest, because I was up early and they had vegetables they needed cut. What, not everyone takes their hand forged Japanese kitchen knives to a con in case of such an emergency?

Heck, back to my first WindyCon, the consuite needed a plastic drop cloth for the soda tub. I went to my car and got it.  Then the needed double sided tape. I had that, too.  Then they needed a screwdriver.  Exasperated, I demanded their list of material needs, went to my trunk and got most of it-poster board, highlighter, scissors, more tape, bungee cords.  I had trouble with the red marker. I only had black.

No one ever guessed it was my first con.

I was at X-con in Milwaukee the year we shared the hotel with an NBA reunion, a Baptist youth group, a bowling convention and the Secret Service preparing for Gorby's visit. Hilarity ensued.

But, you guessed it, per certain elements, I am "not a real fan."

I've arrived in limos, in airport shuttles, and in a friend's borrowed car when mine blew two tires then the axle 20 miles from the con.

Before GPS, I typically drove in the direction of the con, and navigated by nose--if I were an SF con, where would I be?

I was on a first name basis with a dozen authors before I published anything. I invited them to our parties, went barhopping with them, had them sit my kids.  I took Steve Barnes for crab legs and let him use me as a Kung Fu dummy for demonstration.  I took Dr Demento to dinner.  I filked with Spider.  My customers include Dave Prowse and Steven Brust.

I've written fifteen books at this point, and published...a lot, I guess...of short stories through several publishers. I have two REQUESTS on my desk for anthology participation right now.

But, I'm not a "real fan."

EDIT:  Oh, yeah--I also have the .pdfs of Wilson Q. "Smooth Bob" Tucker's fanzine, "Le Zombie," in which he describes "That obnoxious fanboy and wannabe writer Ray Bradbury."  Bob emailed it to me.  I've also bought him Beam Green, and I still have his business card.  "Natural Inseminations. By appointment."

I was the person who realized WorldCon is smaller than quite a few others, and that the Columbus Convention Center was twice the size of a lot of places that had held Worldcons, and had better support. On my inquiry, they offered to hold the hotel and convention space for a time four years later. Offered? They insisted.  Friends took over and actually put a bid together, that the "real fans" shot down because "Columbus doesn't have the facilities."  Right. I watched them host Origins, two other conventions and a Willie Nelson concert simultaneously with room left over.

That's when I started disliking the "real fans."

Unlike some fans...and some writers, I try very hard not to be negative about my fellow pros by name. I did briefly about a particular writer who publicly wished that Jews not read his books.  The "real fans" like him.

Another "Real fan" recently attacked me, and several friends, with a childish epithet about having his testicle hair in our teeth.

His claim to fame? Other than a recent book that ranks a whopping 2.5 million on Amazon?  He edited a translation of a work which original was made into a movie.  

Okay, and?  He's still an asshole.  But I won't name him in public.

If you believe I'm not a real fan, Condescending Blogger, I suggest you are the one who is intolerant, exclusive, hateful and bitter.

Because I wear my nerdhood as a badge of pride and honor.

And you can go fuck yourself.