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Okay, I have to respond to this horseshit:


"To get your friends into SF, show them a whole bunch of shit that no one gives a crap about, along with a few classics that aren't really good for neophytes, and some hysteria-inducing leftism. And if that doesn't work, go with a 2nd previous generation's failed attempt at literary greatness."

I'd like to destroy the prejudicial notion that the entire future is leftist, and that this is normal, desirable and believable.

Near as I can tell, not a single "expert" they asked is within a standard deviation of center, and they're all on the left.  The only one with reasonably good recommendations was John Scalzi.  When he's your moderate, you may have a bit of a bias.

Heinlein's YA? Neal Stephenson? Lois Bujold? Larry Niven? Sci fi with, you know, actual science? Drake for any veterans.  Hell, Ben Bova has lots of very good near future SF.  Mercedes Lackey is both liberal (since that obviously matters to them) and a good writer, with some decent present-day urban fantasy.

I've read close to 10K SF books and written a few, and I've never even heard of most of those choices. That by itself proves nothing, except that they're not recommending anything anyone center, conservative or libertarian is going to be interested in, which is 75% of the population.

And I had to explain to some enlightened, outraged "liberal" in comments about Heinlein's _Friday_.  "It starts off with the character being gangraped and she shrugs it off like it's no big deal!  Disgusting!"

Why is it necessary for me to explain this to people?:

To Dayman: I'm amazed at how many SF readers don't get Friday.

Quite obviously, as is stressed throughout the book, the character does not think of herself as human. She's in a world where she is reminded every day that her status is beneath everyone else, she can never be what they are, even though she IS fully human.

She has been taught to completely suppress everything about herself. Her very expensive membership in a line family that considers her only a source of money is more of the same. (And even her racial background is bothersome to them.)

The character spends a book learning HOW TO BE HUMAN and to love and be loved.

That so many readers don't get it is a tragedy.

And that so-many so-called "liberals" don't get it just exposes modern liberalism for the complete sham it is. They don't actually see prejudice or POV, they only see the color or group affiliation they've been taught to look down on as "oppressed."  They're clueless about the concept itself, however.

This is why literary SF will continue to grasp at relevance and market share.

I Met One Of Those People
Dec 18, 201308:30PM

Category: Military

I was at the Christmas Party for the Indiana Filmmaker's Network and the state film commission.  And my badges says I'm a military consultant, among other things.

Grizzled Old Fat Guy With Beard:  "What qualifies you to be a military consultant?"

Me:  "Lots of research, and 25 years of service."

GOFGWB:  "What branch?"

Me:  "Army and Air Force."

GOFGWB:  "Oh, I'm sorry."

The following went through my head in .0035 seconds.

Gee, let me guess, you used to be a Marine, right?  One term of service, four years, in a support MOS, during the Cold War, with no trigger time, nor even any time in anywhere remotely hot.  And you never actually did anything with the Air Force, you just want to jerk your dick about how you were once a Marine, trying to recapture the glory that 80 lbs and God knows how much booze has stolen from you.  I mean, I've been downrange twice, in support, and don't make a big deal about it, and cleaned up after a major national disaster, and put in 6 years active and 19 Reserve, including a bunch of extra duty I didn't need to, as well as volunteering for said mobilizations.  I'm Retired Reserve, still subject to recall, and can still meet the physical requirements and pass the PT test for both branches. But you used to be a Marine.  So I guess that shows me.

Two minutes of polite conversation proved I batted 1.000.

Hey, Usetabe:  Fuck you.

There's an article about gun control that's all the rage on Esquire.com, by one Lieutenant Colonel Robert Bateman, but he says to call him Bob.  Okay, "Bob," is that your name or what you do?

LTC Bob makes a big deal about being a combat arms officer, but discreetly alludes to the fact that it doesn't appear he's ever actually served in combat.  He told someone:

“You may disagree with my analysis, but let us focus on that debate rather than getting into a dick-measuring contest about my qualifications as a US Army Strategist. Unless, of course, you are also closely familiar with Strategists? In which case, I’d be happy to engage in a critique of my functional area, and your belief that you are a better strategist than I am, but then you would have to give me your qualifications as a strategist.”
So, if you want to have a debate about the Second Amendment, I’m hear [sic] to listen and argue. Obviously we both have some pretty strong opinions about the topic.”
“PS~ You don’t need to use my rank. You’re retired and LTC is not exactly such an exalted rank that one needs to stand upon it. “Bob” will do just fine.”

He also is vague on his credentials but demands them from others.  How cute.

And if "Bob" is good enough, why did he use his irrelevant title (likely in violation of the UCMJ) to promote his credibility? Why claim the Infantry status he admits isn't relevant, then switch to being a strategist?  And what would being a strategist matter to the criminal use of small arms?

To clarify:

He's an FA59, which isn't really managing violence. From a 2007 Military Review article:

FA 59 officers execute key institutional and operational core processes, including formulation and implementation of strategy and strategic concepts and policies, and the generation, strategic projection, and operational employment of decisive joint and coalition land combat power.”1
In addition to the common leader competencies discussed in the chief of staff of the army’s “Pentathlete Vision,” FA 59 officers perform four unique functions: strategic appraisal; strategic and operational planning; joint, interagency, intergovernmental, and multinational (JIIM) integration; and strategic education.

He's a buzzword generator, and real warriors pay little attention to that bullshit.  It's makework created by the lefticle desire to make war decent and kind and hearts and minds and such. Real warrior want beans, bullets, bandaids and batteries for the purpose of breaking people and killing things.  Or vice versa.

"Managing violence" my ass.

And if he wants credentials, I do in fact have real world credentials in the use of the M16 (a lot more than he does, with military trophies to show for it), civilian rifles, and consults with clients that include firearm manufacturers who have real government contracts.  So unless he's got some actual credentials in the field, he needs to take his own advice and STFU.

In response to comments and outrage, he called a documented SF soldier a "faker," a former AF Security Policeman who's now a federal agent a "peacetime veteran," and a gay, black 2nd Amendment supporter a "fake persona," because no gay black man could POSSIBLY support gun ownership.  (That person's an acquaintance of mine.  Gay, black, gun owning, conservative, union train engineer.  How awesome is THAT combination?)

In short, he's the textbook example of the small-dicked little limpwrist who joined the military to prove he's not, and hates guns because he does have something to compensate for.  Likely why he's been cuckolded twice and divorced.  He doesn't measure up, literally and emotionally.  Google "psychological projection."

Moving on, then, to his cute theories of gun control, which aren't worth dismantling, because they've been dismantled ad infinitum. It's like the junior high kid who can tell you why physicists are wrong about the speed of light, Creationists who can tell you why physicists, astronomers, geologists, biologists and geneticists are all wrong about the age of the Earth, and the guy who wants to insist there's no racism in America because he lives in an all white town and has never seen any.  It's crap.

However, his legal and historical interpretations are wrong. The Dick Act doesn't say that.  The Militia is defined in Title 10, USC, Ch 13, Sec 311, and isn't what he claims. "Well regulated" had a definition then, and still has a legal definition, and the unorganized militia IS well-regulated.  It doesn't matter what Bob thinks about that process.  He's not in Congress, he's not a SCOTUS Justice, and he's an ignorant little fuck.  I'm quite happy the facts offend him.

Now, apart from violating the Constitution he swore to uphold and defend, this has another problem:  It is retarded.  It's also all crap we've heard before and laughed at. It's like the guy in the parking lot telling you what a badass he is, and how he's going to report you to the cops for taking his space.

That he had to give a lot of thought to this to come up with a retarded solution is not impressive.

Lessee:  You'll pay 200% of "Face value," of all guns in the US.  Awesome. Of course, "face value" is a currency term.  You probably mean "market value."  Cool.  That works out to about $300 billion dollars. Really.  Where is DoD going to get that money?

Oh, first of all, how did we establish DoD as a law enforcement arm?  That seems to violate posse commitatus, AND make the military a domestic branch of the Executive. That's called "fascism," shitweasel.

But let's assume you proceed. A two year window.  I wonder how many guns can be manufactured in that two year window?  And what is their market value?  I'm reasonably well known as a personality.  If I get my 07 FFL, start cranking out single shot .22s and price them at $35K, I only need to sell one to a sponsor to establish that's the market value. If I don't sell any others, I can produce a few ten thousand with backing from my investor, turn in the inventory for $70K per rifle times 10,000, pay my investor 1000% on his investment, and still have enough money to retire to Macau. Me and 30,000 other people with machine tools.  Let me guess: You never studied business, did you?

So, the list of things you suck at includes law, business, and being a military officer.  You're good at throwing tantra, however.  Maybe you should get a job with CAIR or PETA.  They're about your speed.

Seriously, Bob, how the fuck did you get into the military?  I thought incontinence was a bar to service.  I don't think I've ever encountered a bigger pussy, and I first enlisted in the doldrums of the mid 80s and dealt with USAF supply who hated "camping" with the engineers. 

Death threats?  You threaten to ignore the Constitution based on your own retarded misreading, to ignore SCOTUS, threaten military violence against dissenters, and you wonder why you're getting death threats?  Guess what:  That's EXACTLY the purpose of the Second Amendment—so fascistic little shitweasels like yourself can be shot, tossed into a ditch, and anointed with beer, after it takes a short detour through our kidneys.  There are about 100 million gun owners and families.  Want to bet on the odds of one of them shooting you down like a rabid dog?

Count on it, Shitweasel.  This is in fact a death threat:  If you somehow get more than 50 votes (but you won't) and actually become president (you won't), should you order such a chain of events (you can't and won't), and should it actually appear it will come to pass (it won't), I will kill you.  And being some uber-Infantry officer will not save you. Especially as you're not.


In reality, he's just jealous that my teenage daughter (who was 11 in this picture) is more of a man than he is, has more weapons handling experience, and thinks he's a pussy:


Yeah, as a warrior, this guy's a great excuse for a sniveling little bitch. And I don't mind telling him that to his face, if he wants to make an issue of it.

Bob, let me give you some advice:  If you're going to shit your pants, don't do it in public. It's embarrassing to you, and makes the Army look bad.  Have the decency to do it in private.  And don't shame the Rangers, Airborne, Infantry by pretending you're some kind of warrior.  You're a pathetic coward.  That you even became an officer is a disgrace to the Army.

In conclusion, I'm running for Dictator, not President. 

I have a better plank than his: Elect me, and Bob ("Mastur") Bateman will be lashed to a table and raped to death by rabid yaks on Viagra.

My platform only violates the rights of one person, therefore it is morally superior to his.

For those of you who don't follow me in other media, a couple of updates.

http://michaelzwilliamson.com/bibliography.html my books are here, and can be bought through Amazon and I make a few cents extra through that link, and on anything else you buy on that clickthrough. I appreciate it.  If you prefer electronic editions, BaenEBooks.com is the place to go to get the best price and send me the biggest cut of royalties.  If you'd like a signed edition of something, email me and I'll see what I have in the office.

http://www.sharppointythings.com/knives.html some of my custom knives can be found at this link, email me if you're interested.  I make them intermittently, and they tend to sell fast when I do.

http://www.etsy.com/shop/ActionStudios?ref=ss_profile are my wife's cloaks, well made, great for costuming, and sturdy enough for use in re-enactments.  They last for years.

Enjoy your holiday of choice.

Okay, so some bunch of whiners has decided to single out WalMart for demanding its employees work on Thanksgiving. THE HORROR!

What's going to happen when you run out of wine, realize you forgot to get any rosemary or need some condensed milk for the pumpkin pie?  You'll want WalMart, or some other store, to be open.

What happens when your roasting pan breaks?

Are they planning to protest the airlines for making their employees work, taking them to see their families?

What about those police and fire departments that selfishly expect their staff to be working, to respond to your dinner brawls and cooking misadventures gone flamey?

When they get food poisoning, do they want the ER doc, interns, nurses and staff to have the day off "to be with their families"?

Perhaps DoD should shut down, vacate the missile solos, and let the ships float freely around the sea for a few days?

Maybe State Dept could tell all our foreign interests, "Sorry, we're not working today.  Holiday!  Stop your fighting and demands."

What about that hotel they're using to visit Grandma and Grandpa. Should it be closed, the desk staff home with their families?  What's wrong with sleeping in a bus stop, or in Grandma's spare room full of used medical devices and creepy stuffed cats?

As for me, I'll be working on the meal, then loading my van, then setting up at a convention, because if I want any money, I have to go out and earn it.  This doesn't bother me.  It's called "life."

I wrote this last year, but it was a little late to be relevant.  Well, it is again:

"ZOMG! Sandy Hook was a conspiracy!"

Okay, I will try logic before a ball bat.  Here goes:

Utterly Idiotic Insane Nutjob Tantrum #1:  "No one actually died at Sandy Hook!"

If someone faked 26 people dying in your town, don't you think a few people would say, "Huh…I've never heard of any of them.  Did you know any of them, son?"  A few…or a few hundred.

UIINT #2: "See, the FB tribute page to this teacher is dated THREE DAYS earlier in this screen cap!"

1:  FB glitches, as anyone who's used it will tell you.

B} People change names on their page to get a bunch of followers to spam later, and because it's "clever" to screw with idiots.  Someone even demonstrated this by backdating a forum post to a year before the event.

III] Why would anyone setting this up make a mistake like that?  Wouldn't they double check?  After all, this is a conspiracy so competent they've got dozens of people who have all played their part so well.
d)  In fact, why would you bother setting up a page at all, when someone else will certainly put up a tribute page?  And why on FB specifically, not a dedicated website?

V| Since there are plenty of computer experts who CAN find out who did this and when, it would be stupid. 

F. Why would they do so ahead of time?  Wait until a few hours later.  There's no rush.

Seven~  Why should I believe your claim is real?  Photoshop, anyone?  It's not like it's a birth certificate or something.

Hey, you could ask who set it up and see if that person actually lives in town and is real.  Eh?

UIINT #3:  "There was only one ambulance there!"

At what time?  Says who?  So what?  "We need an ambulance."  If they knew to send 26, THAT would be evidence of something.  Sending one just proves there was only one in that general area who got the call at that time.  How many came later?  THINK.

UIINT #4: "This guy in this video looks like some other guy in some other video!"

So what?  There's an entire internet meme based on this.

UIINT #5:  "See, this guy is laughing before he's crying!"

Yes.  People in shock often want to pretend nothing is wrong ("Denial" stage of grief).  They do it at funerals, before surgery, when injured, during loss.  Any health care professional will tell you this…if you believe in health care professionals.  If not, we may have found part of your problem.

As to "Getting into character," people in duress want to appear affable and friendly.  It would be a shame if the doc let them die on the table.  It would be terrible if the detective didn't devote a hundred hours to recovering their stuff. 

Age 18, in the ER, I was cracking jokes while they peeled my burned hands like gloves.  Obviously, I wasn't really in pain, right?

And yes, people get excited and nervous about being on TV (having been on national networks a dozen times, I know this) and can react oddly.

Does this person match up with a real person?  Is that person the father of a child?

If not, why aren't the REAL parents, and friends, and relatives, and neighbors, and acquaintances, screaming fucking murder?

If there is no such dead child, why aren't the friends, neighbors, classmates, all going, "Huh?  WHO????"

It does not make ANY kind of sense for an "actor" to be doing it.  Nor would it make sense for that smiling footage to be shot, much less released, unless it was completely innocent.

He may have been too shocky to do anything, and had to TRY to look upset, because he knows it's expected.

Or maybe he hated the little brat his wife burdened him with and is happy.  Unlikely?  More likely than being an "Actor" of a child who doesn't exist, or replacing a parent who does.

UIINT #6:  "They interviewed one of the kids, but they didn't ask him for a detailed breakdown of the incident!"

You know what, you're right.  They should totally have waterboarded that kid to get you the answers you want.  Fuck his shock, loss and terror. THIS IS ABOUT THE TRUTH!

UIINT #7:  "FEMA/DHS had ROLE PLAYERS in the area for an exercise.  What do you think of THAT?"

I think I know of at least two groups of same within 100 miles of me, just based on community information.  Regardless of the legion of problems both agencies have, they do actually get paid to study scenarios and practice, not just post drivel on Facebook.  Sorry, was that close to home?

UIINT #8:  "These two/three/four cops all gave slightly different accounts!"

So, like typical eyewitnesses, then?

If they all read from the same script, THEN I'd be concerned.

UIINT #9:  "Why haven't we seen all the video/audio/reports?"

Compiling information for an incident like this takes weeks.  Once it's done, there will be a copy available through FOIA.  Though since you're not going to believe it anyway, why do you care?

UIINT #10:  "We already know they set this guy up to kill!"

Waaaaaait, whaaaattttt?  Based on what information do we "know" this?  Who is "they"? How would they "Set him up"?  And if you really believe there are groups of people in this country who'd do that for some kind of political point, you should already have gone and shot them, even if it means sacrificing yourself, to save others.  PS:  please don't.

UIINT #11: "Isn't the timing suspicious?"

For what?  Politicians will always exploit an event for political gain.  When is a non-suspicious time for a killing spree?  Or a good time?

UIINT #12:  "What about the bus driver who dropped 6 kids off somewhere else?" (or something.  I really stopped listening by then.)

If someone was doing something stupid or questionable at that moment, as people often do, they'd DEFINITELY be in denial and damage control.

New stuff:

UIINT #13:  "Isn't it suspicious that no one survived?"

Other than the survivors you mean?

UUINT #14:  "Isn't it suspicious that they demolished the school immediately afterward to hide the evidence?"

In October 2013, a year later, after the FBI, the police, several other agencies went through it, and the school board and city council took a vote and agreed to pay $57 million for a new school?  And all those actors, and fake parents, and...man, there must be 3000 people in this conspiracy. Who knew the 0bama administration was so competent?  Oh, wait:  They didn't get any relevant new gun control out of this.  Oops.


What really happened:  Some mentally ill individual, with poor grasp of reality, decided the only way to relieve his own pain was to kill a bunch of others for some reason that makes sense only to someone mentally ill in that fashion.  May God, if he exists, have mercy on all their souls.

Not convinced?  Then please go commit seppuku with a chainsaw. 

You are free to comment as you wish, as always.  I won't be wasting my time reading any conspiracy crap, so any "See this proof!!!!" BS will be ignored.  Have fun.

Europe AAR, with pictures
Nov 25, 201312:41PM

Category: General


Hosted here, and on my site.

Stop being a little pussy.

What was that?

Stop being a little pussy.

Oh, right.  Profanity.  That's good.

Stop being a little pussy.

It's also sexist. You're genderizing negativity as female.

Stop being a little pussy.

This isn't funny.  You're a misogynistic troglodyte.

Stop being a little pussy.

I get it.  Don't you have anything intellectual to say?

Stop being a little pussy.

You know, I'm just going to copy this to everyone I know so they can see what kind of person you are.

Stop being a little pussy.

Would you stop repeating yourself?

As soon as you stop being a little pussy.

Behavior like yours is what's wrong with America.

Stop being a little pussy.

Fuck you.  I'm just going to block you so I don't have to listen to this.

That won't help you stop being a little pussy.

You're a racist!

Stop being a little pussy.

You probably have a small penis, too.

Stop being a little pussy.

I'm going to find some tolerant people to talk to, who agree with me.

Stop being a little pussy.

This Is Why People Hate Me
Nov 16, 201309:06PM

Category: General
Musa Jallow:  How are you doing>\
Me: working generally
Musa Jallow:  Okay I can see well How are you doing
Musa Jallow:  Hello
Me: Greetings
Musa Jallow:  How are you doing it is great pleasure to read from you?
Me: Doing better now. I was sick earlier in the week.
Musa Jallow:  Okay i can see and i am so sorry to here that you was ill but i hope is getting better now?
Me: yes, just spices that didn't agree with me
Musa Jallow:  Okay i can see well where are you from and do you have Family?
Me: I was born in Scotland. I live in Indianapolis. Yes, have family.
Musa Jallow:  Hello Michael
Me: evening
Musa Jallow:  Evenning too and how are you doing?
Me:  Good. And you?
Musa Jallow:  Ah Michael i am feeling concerned at the moment?
today is the three days we don't eat food at home is because our situation is not Good and i am leaving with my mother and father and brothers and sister and no one love us all of our neighboring people don't like us because we are Christians
Me: You are in Ghana?  That's too bad. I just baked chicken, and had potatoes with mint sauce and a nice Thai lager.
Musa Jallow:  No i am from the Gambia and our president said eat what you grow and me my family backgranod is very poor Michael this make me cry Michael
Me: I can imagine.  We grow quite a few vegetables, and have so much we have to dry and pickle some.  I'm having ice cream now.
Musa Jallow:  Belief it Michael if you can kindly help me for me to have food and my family because we are living in starvation there is no one who feel us in Gambia Michael and sibling use to cry everyday and night and that make me suck as well?
Me: It does suck.  Can you sell your body for money or food in a town somewhere?
Musa Jallow:  We are far from that places Michael very far and we have small church and that church is not strong as well anytime it can fall down?\
Me: Perhaps prayer will help the church stay standing?  If not, maybe get some boards and nails.
Musa Jallow:  Please Michael we are living in starvation please you have the feel me and help me so that we can have food as our neighboring people don't like us because we are Christians
Me: Don't you know how to eat grubs and bark?  Lots of nutrition in those.  And maybe not tell everyone you're Christians?
Musa Jallow:  Okay then can i give you the address of Rice Man shops
You can contact him and ask the price of Rice in the Gambia?
Me:  Sure.  It would be interesting to know how the price compares to here.
Musa Jallow:  XXXXX@gmail.com
This is the Man who sell Rice in the Gambia Michael
Me: Is there a site link?
Musa Jallow:  No there Is no site Link but they would like to have the website Link because that is trustful
Me: I'll take a look.  Do they ship?  I'd be interested in trying some Gambian rice to see what it's like.

RIP Greg "Clash" Mate
Nov 11, 201304:27PM

Category: General

I met Clash sometime around 1990 while running parties at the Chicago area sci fi conventions.  We served bodacious amounts of booze, played music, filled rooms with young people and generally had a great time.

Certain of the older lit-fic crowd were less than thrilled.  We were all about fun, not serious study of blahblah.  But quite a few others from 16-90 attended our parties and had a great time.  In fact, in 1993 at the Chicago Worldcon, we drank beer with Timothy Leary.  He happened to be in town, stopped by the convention, was invited to our party.  Our booze tab for that weekend broke 4 digits.

So Clash was a DJ.  In short order, he DJed almost every convention dance in the area, and in some other areas, and at several clubs.  He had an amazing selection of tunes, including some really outré alternative stuff, punk, remix, hip-hop, proto-steampunk, techno, everything.

His day job at the time was loading cargo for UPS, and he was ripped.  He looked more like a wrestler than a sci fi nerd, who was also a beer geek.  For at least one convention in San Fran, he and friends flew in a week early to LA, rented a car, and drove up through CA sampling every brew pub en route.  I'm amazed they survived.

Like a Time Lord, he always had a Companion. First DJ Sparrow.  Then a variety of hot chicks who really did learn DJing from him, then various schleps to haul the gear, then Amy, whom he finally realized he should marry.

Back in 1994, I drove from Champaign to Bloomington to pick up another friend, to Chicago, picked up Clash and all his gear, then we drove to Winnipeg, with a stop overnight in MN, for Conadian, that year's Worldcon.

We first ran into issues at the Pembina, ND border crossing.  Despite National Guard plates, military ID, and "vacation," we were directed to pull over for inspection.

Out came some little shortass with neither humor nor professionalism and said, "Open the doors."

I said they were unlocked.  He didn't say, "I need you to open them, sir." He just stood there until I realized his type and opened the doors and gate of my wagon.

He dove in like a dachshund after a rabbit, rooted through, found my underwear in my luggage, then found Clash's rolling case of CDs and mix board.

"What's this?"

"A mixing board."



Then he found my four guitars, signal processing racks in the travel case, power supplies and amps.

"Are you a musician?"


 "What are these?"

"Signal processors."

 "What do they do?"

 "Process signals."

 "Are you being funny?"

 "Well, sir, that one's got overdrive, analog and digital distortion, signal compression-expansion, flange/chorus/delay with reverb and selectable hall size and shape with inversion options and noise gates and ADSR.  The separate box is an envelope filter, and the rest are stereo imaging mixers.  The synth has arpeggiators, sequencers and an external memory module with waveform shapers and both VCO and external oscillator inputs."

 Clearly overwhelmed, he started some blather about how I should talk to immigration if I was planning on working.

 "Sir, I have right of abode in Canada, so if you really want to talk to Immigration they'll tell me to go ahead.  I'm not working, I'm on vacation, and this stuff is for a demonstration."

 "What's it worth?"

 "Oh…ten thousand or so."  (I didn't realize until that moment how much my gear was worth.)

 Clash said his was worth about $2000 for the board, plus the CDs, and that, "It's for a demonstration. I throw parties."

 Shortass opened a bag and said, "Is this for a demonstration too?" then realized it was full of whips and floggers.

 I said, "That's personal" and he decided to drop it and let us on our way.  He never actually inspected the grain alcohol and mixers I had.  Dumbass.

 (Actually, the floggers were for friends to use for costume purposes.  Trust me on this.)

 So we arrived in Winnipeg, and Clash was out of the car, bouncing around in eagerness.  I had to tell him three times to slow down.

 We got to the room we were sharing with Prime Slime and a friend's 16 year old daughter (nothing inappropriate happened and nothing was intended to happen, but looking back, and looking at the laws now…yikes.)

 Then Slime opened up his cooler, with all his supplies pre-measured.  He pulled out the powdered sugar, in Ziploc bags, each containing exactly one pound, for mixing his signature drink of Slime.

 Clash said, "Uh, Slime, you didn't cross the border with those, did you?"

 "Yeah, why?" Then he looked down at the 1 lb Ziploc of white powder…

 "Oh, shit."

 Looking back, I am amazed we weren't all in jail by that time.

 So we were in Canada, with Illinois plates, which of course meant we were Chicago gangsters.  And we had women in chainmail bikinis and high strength booze.

 Next, Clash grabbed his gear and got dressed for the first evening, with a kilt he'd borrowed.

 "This may not be my size," he said.

 I took a look, snickered, decided if I should, and decided he was a friend.  "Clash, pleats go in back."

 "Are you sure?"

 "Where was I born, Clash?"

 "Oh, right. Hold on." He went back into the bathroom, while me, Slime and the young lady snickered, and came out wearing the kilt properly, and it fit much better.

 After that it was a fairly "normal" SF con, as normal as those get.  Until Saturday.

 Saturday night, there was a dance.  They had a big hall, a goodly number of people, and dance music…most of it 80s pop.

 After 5 songs, Clash commented to me, in a shouted whisper, that he wasn't sure if he should comment on their music choice.

 What he was asking was if he should create an incident, and as a friend, I of course told him to proceed.

 So he hand-signed for permission to approach the podium (he was a professional), got it, climbed up, and said,

 "Hey.  I'm Clash, I DJ most of the Chicago conventions and some clubs. I have a case of disks with me if you'd like to pick through for some stuff. Some's pretty new and edgy."

 Well, these were CANADIANS!

 In fact, they cleared a space and offered to let him set up his own board alongside theirs.

 Dueling DJs, game on.

 So we founds some schleps to get the gear, and in twenty minutes, Clash was set up behind his board, headset on, black villain mask, black poet shirt, kilt, black boots, belt equipped with leashes in case he got lucky, and he had music cued up.  Rum may have been involved.

 He showed me the first case.

 Oooooooh, shit.

 And the host DJ announced, "Okay, we're going to throw in something else here. From Chicago, this is DJ Clash!"

 Cue international incident in 3, 2, 1…

 Something by Madonna faded out…and in came…(Language warning): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HcbZUmLlNEo

 By ten seconds, the dance floor was empty, and the Canadians looked as if they'd been head-beat with ball bats.  Clash was laughing maniacally.

 And within another 10 seconds, everyone was back on the dance floor, as the Canadian DJ looked at the disk case and said, "Oh, yes, I'd heard something about this."

 Clash followed that with "The Punk Polka."

 I'm not sure what it did for international relations, but it worked okay for the dance.  There were no hard feelings, and they went back and forth between 80s and edgy.

 If you look at his Facebook page, every photo shows him grinning.

 That was Clash.  If there was a party, he was there.  If there wasn't, he created one on the spot.

 He followed that first kilt with others, with Scotch, and with all things Scottish, because if it's not Scottish, it's CRAP!

 The last couple of years he appeared to have some health problems, but nothing critical.  I was in Holland when another of the pack IMed me, asked me to call, and since I couldn't from overseas, gave me the bad news.

 Clash is a year younger than me, far too young to die of mundane causes.  There's a whole list of people who shouldn't die anytime soon, and he's near the top. But we don’t get a choice.

 The convention dances aren't going to be the same without him. Whoever takes over the task has huge combat boots to fill.  And he better bring Scotch.

 So let's toast him with high end Scotch, or rum if you must.

 RIP—Rest In Party.