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Privilege seems to be a serious problem in America. Or at least, a serious problem for wealthy liberal students at Ivy League universities.

I believe I have a solution.  I call it "Privilege Bingo."

The first day of classes, all the freshmen, er, freshpersons, um, freshperoffsprings, will gather on the quad with their bingo cards. Each winner will be accorded a prize to reduce xir privilege and give them first hand understanding of the difficulties the lesser classes less privileged beings face.

"BINGO!" Our first winner!  They will be deprived of all their scholarships and grant money, being required to work minimum wage jobs while wearing a placard proclaiming "I am a person of low privilege." The other students should be very careful not to microaggress them by offering tips or donations.

"BINGO!"  How would you like to be a single mom of a mixed race baby?  No?  Well, too bad!  You'll also be awarded pole dancing lessons. The bright side is you will be eligible for tips from upper classbeings, and cat calls on the street.

"BINGO!" And five cops come out, taze the winner while hurling insults at him/jer/it before dragging them off and roughing them up across the hood of the police car. They will then be stuffed into a cell for three days with no phone calls.  Assuming they're white, of course. They'll be convicted of felony resisting arrest so all their resumes will be properly humble.

"BINGO!" They win disfigurement with a belt sander and knives so others gaze on them and are horrified. They'll have to endure the stares of others.

"BINGO!"  Five Jersey goons will smash this person's legs with bats, so they're forced to use a wheelchair for the duration. To ensure the full measure, they'll be assigned to a third floor dorm with a shared bathroom. (Are shared bathrooms actually a thing in the Ivy League?  If not, they should be.)

"BINGO!"  This student wins the chance to write all their papers in Dgèrnésiais, with points deducted for spelling and grammar errors, to show them what it's like not to have common 6th grade literacy linguistic privilege.

"BINGO!"  Gang rape. With video.  This student is especially lucky, because the PTSD will affect all their studies for the year.  As a bonus, five rednecks will be assigned to follow them around and crack rape jokes.  If they're male, the jokes will be about turning "kwar."

This should improve the quality of education, with students deprived of unfair privilege and brought to a level playing field with their peers.

And remember: You can't spell "Privilege" without PIV.