"Okay, Mr President. We have your long form birth certificate, but there's a problem."

"What's that?"

"It's faded, sir.  Badly.  It'll show with forensics exams, but scans are almost invisible."

"Well, we all know it's legit."

"Of COURSE we do, sir."  wink.

"No, no, it's legit.  My father paid a lot of money to have that and my birth announcement made up, in case I ever ran for president and needed them.  They're as legit as Kerry's purple hearts."

"Yes, sir."

"What I mean is, can you just clean up the scan?"

"I'm sure that's not a problem, sir."


"Dammit, Carney (why do you have that name?), someone did a crappy job in Photoshop.  Even people who weren't against me are questioning it.  What are these 'artifacts' they talk about?"

"I don't know, sir. We hired some college kid."

"Computers, Carney. You hire high school kids for that kind of work.  How can we fix this?"

"I've got it, sir."

"Yes, Daley?"

"We'll announce that 0sama bin Laden is dead.  Then we'll say he was buried at sea.  No need to document the body.  That way, we draw attention back away from the birther issue, we can create the 'deather' issue, so your opposition looks even more loony."

"That's good. When should we do it?"

"Well, sir, if you wait until tonight at just after 9, we can pre-empt Trump's show and make him look like an impotent dweeb as well."

"Excellent.  Do it."