Me: Why are you still wearing a panty on your face?
Branch Covidian: Because of the Covids!
Me: There’s 45 years of professional studies in literally every Western nation that cloth and paper masks can’t stop viral transmission.
Branch Covidian: But we have new science!
Me: You have a couple of meta studies that didn’t account for demographics, movement patterns, or environment, that at their most tortured showed a 1.9% reduction in transmission, well within normal modeling error.
Branch Covidian: Science says masks work! We need to wear them for 4-8 weeks!
Me: You said that 26 weeks ago, and now you say it’s worse than ever. Obviously, by your standards, that didn’t work.
Branch Covidian: Not everyone wore them! Deniers!
Me: US compliance is over 80%, on par with most of Europe, the exceptions largely explained by medical exemptions. And either way, you claim it didn’t work. Which is odd, because the death rate was back to normal before you started all that.
Branch Covidian: But case count is higher!
Me: No, test count is higher, but you’re using PCR tests far beyond their 30 cycle standard.
Branch Covidian: It’s so pervasive you have to dig deep to catch it!
Me: So at 35 cycles, you’re testing 100 thousand times over the normal sensitivity. At 37 cycles, 10 million times, at 40 cycles, 10 billion times, and at 45 cycles, you’re dialing the sensitivity up 1,000,000,000,000,000 times beyond what is considered standard. Approximately, but still. Doesn’t that seem a little excessive? It’s literally homeopathic medicine.
Branch Covidian: I follow the science!
Me: Yeah, I’m just going to get on with life. There are far bigger issues for me to worry about.
Covidian: Wow! Are you a paranoid conspiracy nut! Don’t get too close to me!
