We've got about $106,000 coming in this year, and if we buy all the guns I want, a new car, pay the mortgages and utilities, upgrade some stuff and hire a landscaper it will only cost $275,000, so I told Gail I'll cut the budget by $400 and not buy another GLOCK. We'll borrow $50,000 to pay the landscaper and the interest on the mortgage, and figure our daughter will pay it back when she's 18.

What is it with Julian Asswanker and so-called ΓÇ£liberalsΓÇ¥ (as opposed to actual liberals, now an endangered species)? This whole situation embodies idiocy, bigotry and frothing hatred, with none of the benefits that actual, real liberalism espouses.

First, Julian claims to be doing this because he hates ΓÇ£Bastards.ΓÇ¥ We must be clear here, though: HeΓÇÖs done little expose of the Russians, none of the Chinese, North Koreans, Vietnamese, Iranians, Zimbabweans, or any other group of ΓÇ£bastards.ΓÇ¥ Mostly, heΓÇÖs attacking the US. Remember that US? The one that gives food to half the world, sends entire fleets of ships to clean up after earthquakes in Haiti, tsunamis in Indonesia, that US? The ΓÇ£Bastards.ΓÇ¥

HereΓÇÖs a hint from Speaker to Morons: Compared to any of those other countries, the US is the good guy.

In other words, heΓÇÖs picking on us because we have a relatively open society that makes it possible.

So basically, heΓÇÖs an inept loser of a spy and a moral coward.

The check on this is that after the sole Russian document release, they openly offered to put a hit on him if there was another. There has not been another.

Now, as it stands, every government on Earth wants him silenced, for good and valid reasons IΓÇÖll go into below, and even Reporters Without Borders is calling on him to exercise some discretion, because his rampant idiocy is making it harder for real journalists to get any information. Rather than improving visibility, heΓÇÖs causing people to clam up. This is contradictory to his stated case. So, either heΓÇÖs a total idiot, or heΓÇÖs a self-aggrandizing cockbag playing libtards for fools. Considering how easy the latter is, I think we have a winner.

Now, here is why the government, and every rational person in America, should be calling for his blood, slowly and painfully.

You might have noticed when you got up this morning that the US government was still there. Not only was it still there, it was still operating much as it did yesterday, last week, last month, last year. AsswankerΓÇÖs attack on ΓÇ£bastardsΓÇ¥ has been pathetically, amusingly, embarrassingly ineffective.

What did happen, when this release started, was that all my friends in Intel and Operations got called in, away from their families (yes, government employees and contractors are actual human beings with actual families. Some of them even have actual degrees in stuff other than liberal arts), to work long hours on your tax dollars (for some reason, they expect to be paid for work they do. I know, I know. Outrageous of them. Blame their right-wing unions).

What, you ask, are they doing with those long hours?

Well, you see, it turns out that intel in the war against the Taliban (that you liberals bitched about for half the Clinton administration, which did nothing about it), and the excesses of Saddam Hussein (who you complained about until we attacked him, then turned him into some kind of underdog folk hero), came from actual, real people with families and lives. Yes, information generally comes from persons living in the area. Imagine that.

The public release of this information amid much fanfare means the enemy that was informed upon knows the names of the informants. This means those informants, and their families, are at risk of being killed, raped, tortured, or otherwise harmed by an enemy that thinks cutting off of noses, stoning to death and rape are acceptable activities.

I presume these are the ΓÇ£BastardsΓÇ¥ that Asswanker and yourselves hate, right?


So, yes, actual, real people, who bravely stepped up against local terror and butchery are having to evacuate their homes and be relocated to live in fear, on your tax dollars (unless youΓÇÖd prefer we leave them to be killed, raped, butchered by the heroic, anti-American Taliban and al Qaida).

So, I presume from the responses I see from AsswankerΓÇÖs cheerleaders, that this is exactly what they want

Legitimate journalists redact personal and identifying information, so the story still gets told, but no one gets compromised. ThatΓÇÖs apparently not good enough for Asswanker (incidentally, in the spirit of openness, may I assume heΓÇÖs going to post the last decade of his emails for people to view? Soon? Yes?). He has to, as Jon Stewart put it, show their penis. I mean, how do you know someoneΓÇÖs really male if you donΓÇÖt see their penis?

So, Asswanker has, in the name of hating ΓÇ£BastardsΓÇ¥:

Done nothing about human rights abuses in China, North Korea, Vietnam, Zimbabwe or other places.

Caused people who fear vicious regimes and terrorists to go underground and stop giving intel.

Caused possible informants everywhere to stop talking to reporters.

Cost the American taxpayers a lot of money to hide the victims of this debacle.

Compromised ongoing operations against these parties.

Done nothing that substantially hurts the US government as a political entity.

Congratulations. YouΓÇÖre all a bunch of putrid little scumbags.

PS: Asswanker is under arrest for possible rape in Sweden. Now, this case is very non-American in structure, and he may be guilty or innocent. That is why there is to be a trial.

I must confess, though, IΓÇÖm very surprised by some of the comments IΓÇÖm hearing about the trial. I know that rape and womenΓÇÖs issues are big items for liberals, and I believe they should be for conservatives, too. I think they generally are, just expressed differently.

Apparently, one story is that he saw one of the women twice, and may have had sex with her while she was asleep. That would be nonconsensual. (ItΓÇÖs also pretty lame and unmanly, but this IS Asswanker.)

IΓÇÖm a bit at a loss as to how supporters of his, anti-government and presumably ΓÇ£liberal,ΓÇ¥ can justify this as ΓÇ£if she saw him twice it was obviously consensual.ΓÇ¥ Really? Once having seen a man, a woman is never allowed to say no? And there were also comments of ΓÇ£Obviously she enjoyed it if she went back for more. What did she expect?ΓÇ¥

This sounds awfully like, ΓÇ£She was asking for it,ΓÇ¥ and ΓÇ£She should be flattered by the attentionΓÇ¥ and ΓÇ£What kind of bitch says no?ΓÇ¥

Are you really sure youΓÇÖre a liberal? Because IΓÇÖm friends with quite a few liberals, and they donΓÇÖt sound like that.

And I hope heΓÇÖs shot in the base of the skull with a 9mm Makarov, then heaved into a dumpster somewhere, pour encourager les autres.

James Hoyne, 14, has a feeding tube in his stomach and carries a back-up in a sealed clear plastic bag. Hoyne said two weeks ago a TSA officer insisted on opening the sterile equipment, contaminating his back-up feeding up tube which he later needed.

"I said 'Please don't open it' and she said 'I have to open it whether you like it or not. If I can't open it, I can't let you on the plane,'" Hoyne said of his conversation with the TSA screener.


TSA officials apologized to James and said they're looking into the incident to see what corrective steps need to be taken.


Moron to be fired for cause and prohibited from holding any government job in any capacity. Victim to be compensated 30% of Moron's earnings in perpetuity.

Why is this so hard to figure out?
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First, I have a hard time referring to professional crotch fondlers as ΓÇ£agents.ΓÇ¥ TheyΓÇÖre largely untrained, uneducated, incapable of spotting threats, and programmed into assuming anyone whoΓÇÖs uncomfortable is a threat, regardless of background. TheyΓÇÖre unthinking bureaucratic drones, not ΓÇ£agents.ΓÇ¥ I doubt we can publicly call them PedoSmurfs, but IΓÇÖm sure we all think of them that way.

This Wednesday is the day everyone with a spine has elected to opt out of the Nude O Scope and insist on a groping.

TheyΓÇÖre going to hassle you for this, of course. ThatΓÇÖs not the point. The point is that if youΓÇÖre going to be hassled, they get to share in the experience.

Here then, are some ideas to improve the process.

Take lots of bottles. Play stupid. TheyΓÇÖre going to dispose of them, and thatΓÇÖs fine. A few dozen people doing this clogs the trash cans, takes ΓÇ£agentΓÇ¥ time and slows the process.

IΓÇÖve had a tiny metal clip and a CAC card set off the detector. Wear suspenders or metal buttons. Forget some change in your pocket. A cheap metal locket around your neck? A spare key? Add little bits until they spend 5 minutes wanding you for it all.

Wear steel-toed shoes. They have to go through the scanner, and theyΓÇÖre going to read big, black toes. Will they bother searching? Or admit they really donΓÇÖt care and itΓÇÖs just to hassle you?

Also, how safe is it to walk in stocking feet across a floor that 1000 other people have walked across, some of them with athletes foot and the like? Break out a bleach wipe and sterilize the floor in front of you, or pull booties onto each foot.

Ask to see the calibration certificate for the Nude O Scope, and ask what level of radiation and what frequency it uses. The canned response will be, ΓÇ£Sir, itΓÇÖs safe.ΓÇ¥ There is no such thing as a ΓÇ£SafeΓÇ¥ level of radiation. So how much actual exposure is there? Insist on an answer. Demand to talk to the supervisor. Push them to get on the phone and ask (because they wonΓÇÖt know). Be adequately loud so others hear about ΓÇ£potentially cancer-causing levels of X rays.ΓÇ¥

Heck, ask if they have a lead vest you can wear.

ΓÇ£ForgetΓÇ¥ something, leave the secure area, and come back through again. Make them work for it.

Take a tub of Play Doh for your ΓÇ£nephew.ΓÇ¥ Sealed, of course. TheyΓÇÖll seize it. Once again, this takes time on their part.

Carry a sex toy in your carry on, batteries loaded. Put it in a plastic bag and make sure itΓÇÖs got a little grease in with it.

Wear a kilt or skirt. DonΓÇÖt wear undies. Make them really feel the experience.

Are you legitimately hard of hearing? Keep pointing at your ear, loudly complaining and shaking your head. Ask them to write out all the instructions, or make them demonstrate them.

You are not required to speak English in this country. Can you fake Spanish? French? Something Altaic?

Turn your head and cough.

Wear a well-padded bra.

Are you brave enough to cross dress? False boobs or a ΓÇ£packyΓÇ¥ phallus will add to the fun.

Wear a pad or adult diaper, whether you need one or not. Though as long as youΓÇÖre going to be waiting, you may actually appreciate one.

Hum or purr while being groped. If they donΓÇÖt enjoy it, make them think you do. ItΓÇÖs acting. You can do it for 60 seconds.

Follow this with a breathy whisper of, ΓÇ£That was HOT!ΓÇ¥

ΓÇ£Can I feel you, now?ΓÇ¥

ΓÇ£Do you hang out at the glory hole at the PervertΓÇÖs Playpen (or any fetish club near you)? That seems familiar.ΓÇ¥

ΓÇ£There must be a lot of homos/pedos working here.ΓÇ¥

ΓÇ£When you took this job, did you think theyΓÇÖd ask you to be gay for pay?ΓÇ¥

ΓÇ£When do you think this is going to get to you and youΓÇÖll turn gay?ΓÇ¥

ΓÇ£HavenΓÇÖt you ever enjoyed it? At least once?ΓÇ¥

Remember these people have no power of arrest. If they take too long, all you have to ask is, ΓÇ£Am I being detained? Am I under arrest? If I am not under arrest, am I free to go? If I am not free to go, I must insist on a police officer. I wish to file charges for kidnapping, a federal offense.ΓÇ¥

Finally, as you leave the area, be sure to loudly commend the system. ΓÇ£IΓÇÖm sure glad they have lots of jobs for pedos and faggots these days.ΓÇ¥

Any other ideas?