Desi: "Molester, pervert, disgusting, an embarrassment, creep. These are all words I have heard today at work describing me, said in my presence as I patted passengers down. These comments are painful and demoralizing, one day is bad enough, but I have to come back tomorrow, the next day and the day after that to keep hearing these comments. If something doesnΓÇÖt change in the next two weeks I donΓÇÖt know how much longer I can withstand this taunting. I go home and I cry. I am serving my country, I should not have to go home and cry after a day of honorably serving my country."

- Whiny TSA Agent

Mike: Disgraceful. No one called him a homo pedophile.

Chris: If he had any balls he and his coworkers would complain too. Guess he's too busy feeling other peoples balls to worry about his own.


I think the only compassionate thing to do is to turn your head and cough, and then ask him if he learned his technique in prison.
I get less harassment at security when entering the Pentagon than an airport.

I'm waiting for some TSA fellator to explain why this is so.
TSA--The Only Government Agency That Offers A Reacharound.
Language and comments follow.

So, the TSA (Teenage Sexual Assault) has new requirements for traveling. Either A) have your gonads exposed to ionizing radiation and gawked at on screen, or 2: Have them felt up.

I regard this as unacceptable.

What follows is some brainstorming between myself and others on responses that may work as civil disobedience.

We have ruled out ideas such as urinating on oneself and the searcher, wearing steel jockstraps, etc. Peeing on the searcher could be considered felony battery. It also means youΓÇÖll be very uncomfortable until you can change. Reinforced clothing will simply get you a strip search. These will not help.

Consider, though:

ΓÇ£IΓÇÖm a radiologist. Did you know that long term exposure near those machines causes sterility and impotence?ΓÇ¥

ΓÇ£I bet all the new hires are queer, huh?ΓÇ¥

ΓÇ£Damn, thatΓÇÖs hot.ΓÇ¥

ΓÇ£That feels familiar. Do you go to the glory hole at Chester Street?ΓÇ¥

ΓÇ£Does it bother you that IΓÇÖm gay? Or do you prefer I not say, like my friend over there?ΓÇ¥

ΓÇ£You know, porn actors get paid a lot better to touch other guysΓÇÖ junk.ΓÇ¥

(LOUDLY): ΓÇ£OH, YEAH! YouΓÇÖve done this before!ΓÇ¥

ΓÇ£Were you queer before you worked here, or only after feeling all these hot cocks?ΓÇ¥

ΓÇ£I used to be a man/woman. Can you tell how good the surgery was?ΓÇ¥

ΓÇ£Hey, how do I compare to my buddy, size wise?ΓÇ¥

ΓÇ£Bom chicka wow wow!ΓÇ¥

ΓÇ£You better go down the front as well. You missed a spot right over my rod.ΓÇ¥

ΓÇ£Have you had your hepatitis shots? Neither have I.ΓÇ¥

ΓÇ£You may not want to do that. I have the clap.ΓÇ¥

By the way, there ARE inexpensive devices designed to keep the male member erect while walking or standing. TheyΓÇÖre non-metallic and shouldnΓÇÖt register on an scanner. Present them with something ΓÇ£Hard and pumping and indefatigably steely.ΓÇ¥ Then grind into the search.

What about wearing a kilt, naturally without undies? Will naked manflesh make them wince? What about applying some lotion in the restroom right before entering security? ΓÇ£Yeah, if you feel some moisture, itΓÇÖs probably an open sore.ΓÇ¥

The regs state you will be inspected by someone of the gender you present as, unless you ask otherwise (This doesnΓÇÖt always happen, but is the reg). What about some hero stepping up in bad drag? Preferably sweaty and overweight. Regardless of whom they select, request the other gender.

Now, letΓÇÖs consider if theyΓÇÖre feeling up a teenage or younger girl or boy, and the child slaps or punches them. Are they really going to arrest a child? If not, we can instruct all children to slap, punch, trachea-strike them? If so, theyΓÇÖve escalated a lot. I canΓÇÖt see myself standing still while some clown tries a takedown on my daughter. I Say ΓÇ£triesΓÇ¥ because she has some experience in that, and if he patronizingly just grabs her thereΓÇÖs a good chance he (or she if the goon is a dyke) will be on the floor first. What I would hope happens is that the child jabs the goon in the trachea. If the goon goes after the kid, the parent literally kicks their jaw off their face. After that, file charges for sexual assault of a minor and a civil suit, so besides having to eat baby food, the goon looks like a zombie and is unemployable on the sex offender registry. Or do they REALLY think they can find 12 jurors, none of whom will regard it as reasonable self defense of the child and acquit the parent? And will they REALLY attempt to file criminal charges against a minor for hitting someone for grabbing their pubes? ΓÇ£Yes, dear, only doctors, Mommy, Daddy, and uniformed government agents are allowed to touch you there, and you should NEVER go off somewhere private with an adult unless theyΓÇÖre a uniformed government agent.ΓÇ¥

I donΓÇÖt think so, cockfag.

(IΓÇÖm assuming at this point that everyone who works for the TSA is a homo or a dyke. If they have a job where they get paid low wages to grope non-criminalsΓÇÖ genitals, theyΓÇÖre either pathetic and desperate, or faggots.)(And the offensive terminology is deliberate. A gay man consorts with other gay men. Grabbing non-consenting adults or children makes one a faggot.)

Also, donΓÇÖt forget off duty harassment. ΓÇ£Oh, you work for TSA? You fucking child-molesting faggot. Get away from me.ΓÇ¥

Make them hate their jobs. If theyΓÇÖre honest, it gives them a reason to refuse to comply with outrageous regulations. If not, it encourages them to quit and find something more respectable, like sucking off Asian sailors in Long Beach.

Before any idiot sounds off about ΓÇ£It keeps us safe/youΓÇÖll complain when someone blows up a plane/you have no right to fly,ΓÇ¥ IΓÇÖm going to point out that ΓÇ£body packingΓÇ¥ has already been used frequently for smuggling and at least once for a bomb. So unless youΓÇÖre prepared to have someone shove a lubed fist up your ass in the name of ΓÇ£security,ΓÇ¥ donΓÇÖt waste your time posting. If you are prepared for that, seek therapy, and donΓÇÖt waste your time posting.