In case you missed it, Chinese state media, a wholly owned subsidiary of the CCP, like the Chinese military, Chinese government, and Dr Anthony Fauscist, is telling people to prepare for nuclear war if the Bidet administration follows through on a probe of the Wuhan lab.

The way this should play out is a series of phone calls.

"Hey, Mr Putin. Great to talk to you. Listen, we've been competitors but not actually enemies for almost 30 years now, but I believe we have a way to help you with one of your issues.  Great.  Details to follow."

"Hello, Mr Kovind?  How's India handling this virus?  Sorry to hear that, good luck. Can we offer some help? Hey, you know this came out of China, right?  And they're a real pain in your ass, yes?  Cool, stand by."

"Mr Alvi. Hey, I know you and India are at odds over Kashmir for water and arable land. But what if I told you a quick favor to them and us could make that much less of an issue? Interested?  Excellent, wait one."

"Supreme Leader Kim. Hey, I know things are kinda iffy, but would you like a chunk of land to expand into? No strings attached, minimal cost.  Yes, a real bargain. Hold on."

"Monsieur Macron.  Remember how China fucked over your entire Indochina colonial project?  Well, it's time to fix that.  Okay, give me a sec."

"Boris, doing well?  Hey, we've backed each other up a long time now. We need a solid. Well, more accurately, a plasma.  Yeah, I figured you'd like that one. Ready?"

"Mr Netanyahu, sorry about the money to Hamas. Look, we know you can't get involved, but we know where you stand. If we pull some of those funds back from Hamassholes, can you just keep cool and quiet?  Glad to hear it."

"Okay, this is working?  Damn, Zoom is great. Or as we can rename it now...


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